Counselor’s Corner: AFFAIRS
I am going through a difficult situation which I am unable to share with my parents and best friends in the assembly. Please give me a solution through the pages of your magazine. I am a 16-year-old female, Plus Two student, in a mixed school. I am born again and I recently got baptized also. My dad and mom are actively involved in the assembly and my elder brother is active in our youth group.
Uncle, in our class, all my classmates except me have “affairs”, with some from among our classmates or from the other batches and from the junior classes in the school and a few from their neighborhood. They all share these openly with friends. My classmates are ridiculing me for not having an affair and they push me to develop such relationships with boys in our school. They say that it is only natural to have such relationships and that there is nothing wrong in it. They always try to connect me with some boy and persuade and motivate me to develop affairs. I know that I am a child of God and should resist such entanglements in this world. But it is very difficult in our school environment. I do not know what to do and how to handle this situation and am losing my concentration in studies and in spiritual matters. I am afraid I might fall any time soon because of constant pressure from my friends and promptings from the boys around. I am not confident to share this with my mother because I am afraid I might be misunderstood. Please help me through this medium.
I am glad you decided to share this burden with me which shows your sincerity in this matter. Thanks for being very frank and open. As you know, our environment in schools and colleges is highly contaminated with sin and worldliness. The enemy of our soul is trying to lure us into a sin of some sort so as to destroy our spiritual life. Many of our dear youth have fallen into such temptations and traps and have destroyed their lives. I am glad you are resisting these temptations. Such temptations always come from the devil to destroy God’s children. But it is not a serious matter for the unsaved people even though these affairs have caused total destruction for many of them also. The enemy will try to tempt you through your eyes when you see some attractive person. Temptations will come through the ears when people prompt you through enticing and motivating words. Some temptations come through ‘casual’ touch also. Your best defense in such circumstances is to submit your eyes, ears and body as a living sacrifice to the Lord Jesus and continue to live a crucified life (Romans 12:1). Resist every temptation of the devil by praying and submitting your untoward thoughts to the Lord Jesus to handle. Keep away from such enticing friends who try to persuade you. Be friendly with them for the sake of the Gospel, but be firm in your convictions. Tell them that God is preparing one of His choicest children for you who will be revealed at the right time, probably after 5-8 years from now and till that time you want to keep your heart, mind, thoughts and emotions pure for God and for that person. If possible, share the story of Isaac and Rebekah with your friends and tell them how God will reveal His perfect will for you at His best time (Genesis 24). Tell them that you are not bothered about this subject now because you are too young to think about such serious matters as relationships. Tell them also that you will pray for them to understand the provision of God in their lives as well.
In the Bible, we have the illustration of great ruin in the life of Samson who had many affairs. Many of the heartaches of Jacob were because of his affair with Rachel. The prodigal son ruined his life through such a riotous living. In all these cases, God could use them only after they repented of their fleshly desires and resubmitted their lives to God. They all escaped total destruction through true confession and repentance before it was too late. The book of Proverbs gives us a long list of admonitions about how to keep away from such relationships and submit our lives to God to rebuild and remold us according to His perfect will (Proverbs 3:5 & 6; Chapters 5 & 7). James said that we should submit to God, resist the devil, draw near unto God, cleanse our hands of all wrongdoings, sanctify our hearts, repent, cry and submit ourselves to the Lord (James 4:7-10). Check and see how many of the acts of the flesh fall within the definition of ‘affairs’ given in Galatians 5:16-21. The Bible says that you should desire and seek to have the fruit of the Spirit in your life that includes ‘’self-control’ which is the key to resisting temptations (Gal. 5:23). Temptation comes first in the form of selfish, unholy and sinful desires. But we are commanded and warned against such desires and not to covet anything that is not ours (Exodus 20: 17). When given a chance to dwell in our hearts, these desires will grow slowly and become deep cravings and will fill our hearts with an insatiable and unquenchable thirst for it. When these unholy desires become solid in our hearts, it becomes very difficult to forsake it (James 1:13-16). Please know that you are not to desire anything that is not yours, which is the sin of covetousness. But God gives us holy desires according to the Word of God and through the Spirit of God. He gives us His best at His time (James 1:17). All other desires are from the devil to distract you from the path of the cross. We are commanded to think on things which are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), and a desire from the devil will not be one of those. Your walk among unbelieving classmates should be one of good character and behavior (1 Peter 2:11-12).
Dear Ansu, please know that God has a clear plan for your life which will be revealed at the right time. God has already earmarked a person for you as your life partner, out of the 3.75 billion males of this world. That person will best fit your needs when you reach the marital age. Till God reveals it, please resist the devil’s plans to destroy your spiritual life. Many have gone the wrong way and destroyed their lives and live with heartaches and frustrations. Life is like a glass which falls down and breaks and no one can put it together. Your life is a beautiful, but fragile glass jar in which God wants to pour His love to fill it for His glory. Please don’t allow some devilish and evil desire to break it. Keep your heart and mind clean for God to write His plan in it according to His perfect will. Resist the devil through warfare of prayer and meditation of the Word (2 Corinthians 10:4). Remember, the devil has many tactics and he sometimes also uses pseudo-spiritual people to lure you into unholy relationships so that he can destroy you. You are precious to your parents and their hearts will break if your life gets destroyed. So please pray much and dedicate yourself to Jesus on a regular basis. Flee temptations through prayer, meditation of the Word and continuous consecration. God will help you to escape these perils in life. If there is any known desire for someone, please confess it as sin and repent of it and get washed and be clean by the Word of God and be filled with the Spirit. Every time you are tempted, confess and forsake it.
Ansu, Please tell your tempters that your life is already pledged to Jesus Christ and that it is no longer negotiable. Tell them also that you want to keep your life clean. Tell them that it is not right to steal someone’s son and keep hiding him in your heart which is a sin against God and that person and his parents. Tell them that you are not an orphan to look for an affair and that you have a merciful and benevolent Heavenly Father who will care for you all the days of your life and fill you with His goodness. Also, please keep away from the visual media which keep throwing temptations into your heart and try to make you fall into temptations.
I hope you will find continued victory in your life and live a victorious life all the days of your life.
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