BIBLICAL TENETS IN FAMILY LIFE - 2

 

Biblical Tenets in Family Life -2

Christian family life is based on biblical tenets which are God’s desires and priorities for every Christian couple at all times. We must understand that the spouses are invariably incapable of keeping family life in a complementary manner and in its perfection on the spouses’ own power and strength. Mere human wisdom, education, skills and aptitudes are insufficient to blend a husband and a wife with each other as a godly couple. That’s why the Bible gives them both clear instructions to follow in their family relations, roles and responsibilities. Every Christian couple has to heed to these commands of the Bible so that they can fulfill the purposes for which God has united them. God unites a couple and gives them the desire and faculties to blend together by trusting in divine strength and the power from above. In order to accomplish such a level of family blending and bonding, the spouses will have to work hard to mesh with each other and build each other up practically by using the God-given inclinations, qualities and desires.

            Let’s examine some of these instructions and seek the help of God to apply these in our family lives.

Biblical admonition to the spouses

·        To the husband: Love the wife – he is to love her without reservation and preconditions, and God will make the wife to submit to him as the head  of the family (Ephesians 5:25-32; 1 Corinthians 11:3).

·        To the wife: Submit to husband without reservation (obey/agree/accept/respect) – and God will make her husband to love her without reservation (Ephesians 5:22-24).

·        To husband: (a) Love the wife (even when there might be reasons not to love her without reservation); (b) he is not to be harsh and bitter to the wife (Colossians 3:19); (c) he is to lead and guide her spiritually and in every practical aspect of family life.

·        To wife: Enjoy submitting to him from your heart and not for the sake of it. (God knows it may not be easy to submit to a person whose weaknesses are known to the wife. But God will give her the strength and grace to do it) (1 Corinthians 7:13-14)

Special counsel to the Husband

·        Love your wife and prove it, just as Jesus loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus loved and gave Himself for the church as proof of His love to the church.

·        How to give oneself to the wife? In what all areas of life? One may explore this with prayer and meditation of the Word of God and by following the examples of biblical characters like Isaac, Joshua, Isaiah, Aquila, Zechariahs, Philemon and the like.

·        Give her your time – be with her and spend quality time together (Genesis 26:8).

·        Give her your presence (1 Corinthians 7:5).

·        Give her your maximum attention (Song of Solomon 2:16).

·        Give her appreciation for what she does for you, for the children, for your parents, guests and the members of the extended family (Proverbs 31:10-11).

·        Give her recognition for what she has done in life and for you and your family (Proverbs 31:28-29).

·        Give yourself to her unselfishly, without expecting anything in return (this is agape' love) (Ephesians 5:25).

·        Avoid harsh/sharp words that will cut, hurt and wound her feelings – guard against verbal abuse (Colossians 3:19).

·        No tit-for-tat – no scoring goals to her goal post and to 'enjoy' making her losing verbatim to you (James 3:10-12).

·        No win-lose battle, but develop win-win discussions and projects of love and care between the two of you (James 3:17-18).

·        No retaliation or vengeance, because she is your God-given partner and not your enemy or opponent (Ephesians 6:12) 

·        Don’t use 'silence' as a weapon because it is sharper than most other weapons in hurting her feelings (Ephesians 6:19-21).

·        Through your behavior to her, teach your sons how to love and care for their spouses in the future (Ephesians 5:21).

·        If you sow the seeds of contempt, abuse and hatred, you will definitely reap its results of the same kind in larger volume sooner or later (Galatians 6:7-9).

·        Your hands are not to hurt her, but to touch and arouse her, give her security and reassurance in life and to heal all her hurts (Song of Solomon 8:5-6).

·        Love her like you love your body, and treat her carefully, with dignity and respect (Ephesians 5:28 & 29). Remember that her emotions are fragile and so handle with care.

·        Learn the Scriptures well so that you will be able to teach her (1 Corinthians 14:35). You must prepare very well to do it.

·        Let your treatment of her teach your sons how to love and cherish their wives when they are married.

Special counsel to the wife

·        Submit joyfully to your husband because it is a commandment of Jesus and that Jesus deserves your obedience (Colossians 3:18).

·        Remember that Jesus submits to the Father even when they are co-equal in everything. This is your best model for learning submission (1 Corinthians 11:3)

·        Consider the fact that we obey and submit to all laws of our lands, including police, traffic wardens, judges, constitution, teachers and leaders; if so, why can’t we submit to the life-partner who is given to us by God? (Titus 3:1-2).

·        Leave consequences of your submission to the Lord (Numbers 30)

·        Do or say everything to the husband to protect mutual dignity, testimony and status (1 Corinthians 7:16-17).

·        Be presentable to him so you will arouse his emotions through his eyes and ears (Song of Solomon 4:9-16).

·        Support his cause and stand with him in a crisis (Proverbs 31:10-11).

·        Encourage him in his work and in spiritual matters (1 Corinthians 7:14).

·        Don’t nag him (no scolding; no fault finding; no pestering or hassling) (Proverbs 15:1; 21:9, 11).

·        Don’t openly criticize him, but let your words always be positive so as to help him focus on rebuilding his life and his family life, and to learn lessons from his failures and weaknesses (Proverbs 25:24).

·        Let your treatment of him teach your daughters how to love and cherish their husbands as they get older (Proverbs 24:3)..

To the husbands and wives in common

·        He/she is the spouse of your covenant in the presence of God; so be truthful and honest to God in your oath in God’s presence, and to each other (Philippians 4:8; James 4:7-10).

·        Your spouse is the greatest gift God has given you, after the salvation of your soul. So thank God for the gift that God has chosen for you from all around the world and be grateful for the life partner all through life.

·        Treat the spouse as gift with respect and dignity for the sake of your gratitude to the Giver and love for the gift.

·        Take a life time to unwrap, explore and enjoy the wonder of the gift of your spouse.

·        Remember: You get what you deserve, and so don’t blame the other person for your dissatisfaction with each other, but learn to accept what you got – because that person is given to you by the Lord. Be thankful to God for your spouse. 

·        Remember: You got what you wanted (Money/Education/Looks/Job/?) – Now learn to love and like that person and thank God for finding him/her for you.

·        If your life partner is seen to be a misfit because of his or her character, habits, behavior and attitude, you may consider yourself to be the therapy (and therapist) to bring that person to be the one who would mesh with you and to fulfill all your desires, through intense prayer, forgiveness and patience.

 Biblical formula for success in Family Life

a.      Pray together – like Isaac and Rebekah: Genesis 25:21

b.      Give to God all that He gives you (spouse, children and circumstances) – like Hannah: 1 Samuel 2:21

c.       Submit – like Abigail: 1 Samuel 25:24, 36 – Confess each other’s sins; wait patiently for God to act on the basis of your confession

d.      Organize joint prayer time as a daily exercise and for specific causes, burdens and concerns (1 Corinthians 7:5), apart from the regular family prayer.

e.      Prayerfully work to keep your spouse and family life sanctified (Ephesians 5:26-27)

f.        Ask God to help you to understand that proper leaving (holy detachment) and cleaving (holy attachment) is not an option, but an unchangeable biblical truth, so that you can appreciate and enjoy it practically (Ephesians 5:31)

g.      Endeavour to serving the Lord together with your spouse and family, like Aquila and Priscilla (Acts 18:26) and Philemon and Apphia (Philemon 1-2)

h.      Consultation in decisions: Four eyes will see things better than two, and so it is best to consult with each other in all matters of common interest. But if there is a stalemate, the husband is given the prerogative for the last word in that matter by the Word of God because he is divinely appointed as the leader of the family. Leave his mistakes to the Lord to handle (Numbers 30) as you battle for him in prayer. 

i.        Joint bank account and budgeting for all family income and expenses is the most biblical approach (Genesis 2:24; 5:1), but practice it by grace and not man-made law.

j.        All giving for all causes may be after mutual consultation and prayer with unity, wherever possible, except in emergencies 

 

Remember:

Family life is a series of new beginnings, starting anew each morning, with Jesus.

Try and burry the past failures and expect something new from God every day.

 

BIBLICAL TENETS IN FAMILY LIFE -1

 

Biblical Tenets in Family Life -1

It has pleased God to reveal His plan, will and desire for the marriage and family life of all God's children. These tenets are given to us in His Book of Love, the Bible, to humanity. God expects every one of His children to follow these truths in order to lead a happy, satisfying and successful family life. These truths are universal and all pervasive and applicable at all times, places and cultures. Let’s summarize these tenets in order to lay strong foundation for our family lives in modern times.

Basic family truths

·         Marriage is a relationship established by God. The idea is His and He did everything to join two lives together for supernatural objectives (Genesis 1:27-31).

·         Marriage is God’s resolve to remove loneliness and friendlessness in human beings (Genesis 2:18; Psalms 68:6).

·         God has established a family as a basic unit to create a moral society where a couple is put in a personal cubicle called a family with dignity, privacy, exclusive friendship and mutual trust (1 Corinthians 7:2).

·         It is God who joins together a man and a woman whom God created as two unique personalities and make them complementary to each other. God bless them as a unique entity and give them unity in purpose, one common name and same goals in life to pursue. The couple is expected to follow this philosophy in family life (Genesis 5:1-2).

·         In marriage, the couple is expected to join together in the physical, emotional, volitional, spiritual and intellectual realms of life. Here two lives enjoy and experience holy detachment from all other relationships and join together to share wide and varied experiences for mutual care, satisfaction and fulfillment (Genesis 2:24).

·         Marriage is a permanent relationship while both are here on earth (Romans 7:2-3).

·         It has great spiritual significance – Husband is a picture of Jesus Christ and wife a picture of the Church which is His Bride (Ephesians 5:31-32; Matthew 19:4-6).

·         Marriage is a partnership, deep mutual friendship, teamwork, cooperation, fellowship, collaboration and mutual sharing of a man and a woman for a life time (Matthew 19:4-6).

·         A Christian marriage is a one-way walk where Jesus, man and woman hold hands together and go on a pilgrimage (1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Ephesians 5:21-6:4).

·         All marriages start in happiness, thrill, and excitement and with great expectations; but all marriages before the rapture end in tears (Genesis 2:22-24; Genesis 23:1-2).

·         Marriage exhibits the couples’ vulnerabilities, weaknesses, failures and defeats to each other, thus making them humble. At the same time, marriage exhibits the couples’ built-up strengths to themselves and others if they take pains to build it up.

·         Marriage is neither a battleground to win war between the couple nor a playground to score goals to each other. It is a two-member team working together to accomplish divine purposes in this world (1 Corinthians 7:1-7; Ephesians 5:22-32; 1 Peter 3:7).

·         As the founder of marriage, God intends it for the blessings, comfort, joy, satisfaction, mutual building up, support and encouragement of the couple. Both the partners must work hard for these goals to be accomplished with the help of the Holy Spirit through the exercise of faith. Together they must guard against the wiles of the enemy to destroy their family life (John 10:10).

·         Marriage takes place in heaven, but it is lived in the rough patches of the world here on earth. The couple should be aware of the fact that the enemy is around to use his strategy to destroy it (1 Peter 5:8).

·         Marriage is a place of sacrifice of one's life for the life partner, a place of surrender of love for each other, opportunity to give oneself to the other person, a place to build each other up within a life time and a platform to explore, serve, understand and enjoy each other (1 Corinthians &;3-4; Psalms 128; Proverbs 18:22).

·         Marriage is a school of God where the couple learns patience, trust, forgiveness and faithfulness together.

·         It is a school of love where the life partners, whom God gave to each other as the greatest gift in life, to learn to love each other, even if they are found to be not-so-lovable and not-so-likable.  But this might be an illusion or a reality that is experienced by one or both the couple sometime after getting married. If it is an illusion, they must work together in prayer to build it up in such a way that it becomes a reality.

·         It is a school for a life time for the couple to learn from each other great lessons in life.

·        It takes a diamond to cut another diamond and so the enemy of our souls uses us, the diamonds of Jesus, to cut and inflict pain on each other, if we allow him. When we cut and bruise each other with unpleasant or unkind words, attitude and behavior, it will hurt both the spouses.  It will also affect the children when the spouses quarrel in their presence, leaving them discouraged, and drive them to backsliding and even to lose their faith.

Getting to know and mutual building up

·         The spouses ought to love each other without reservation. If they lack the ability to do so, they may pray and seek the help of God for mutual love. 

·         The couples ought to understand each other through free flow of communication:  verbal, non-verbal – with eyes/gestures/sound/signs/body movements.

·         They may build up their understanding of each other as they are engaged in joint family activities as partners.

·         Their understanding of each other may grow as they spend time together at home and outside during household chores, spiritual activities, social interactions and leisure.

·         The husband and wife should build each other up as they experience each other in their attitude, actions and behavior and exhibit spirituality towards each other. They may facilitate mutual spiritual build-up through regular times of prayer together and the study of the Word which will help them to understand the various areas of spiritual needs of each other. 

·         The couple may get to know each other better as they are involved in spiritual ministries together. 

·         They may find out more about each other as they share their interests and desires individually and for each other.

·         When the couple engages in handling of problems, burdens, desires, likes, dislikes and priorities of each other, their insights about each other will enhance. 

·         When they converse together, the couple will be able to give up selfish interests and give in for the other person's priorities, likes and dislikes and thus understand and accept each other without prejudice.

·         The couple will get a better picture of the true nature and character of each other as they bear each other's concerns, pains, failures, losses and defeats over a period of time.

·         The couple’s understanding of each other will enhance as they receives suggestions, advises, counsels, clarifications, corrections and insights about issues and matters of concerns from each other and for mutual interest.

·         The couple will gain mutual exposure as they plan and execute activities and projects of common interests and concerns and slowly develop team spirit.

·         The husband and wife will better understand each other as they help and support each other in times of personal challenges, testing, sicknesses and weaknesses on the one side and success and victory on the other. 

The natural, unregenerate man  

            Generally speaking, the unregenerate man is likely to have some of the following general characteristics in different degrees and intensity, with ups and downs at different times and places:

·         Man is habitually rough in voice, body, hands and dealings 

·         He generally desires to control, rule and show his strength, especially over his spouse (Genesis 3:16)

·         He invariably deals with his spouse through his innate nature and tries to makes his spouse submit to him through demands, oppression, suppression, force, threat, challenge, shouts, intimidation, terrorism, deprivation, denial, challenge, and even verbal and physical abuse and other persuasive tactics

 

The regenerate man in backsliding may still exhibit the inclinations of the natural man which are indicated above. The regenerate man who lives a repentant life may not exhibit such inclinations, but if he unfortunately falls into it, will repent of his failures in these and will reconcile with his spouse in all his failures. 

The natural, unregenerate woman

The unregenerate woman generally exhibits some of the following characteristics and traits in behavior, attitude and thinking: 

·         The woman wants equality and consideration at par with man in all matters

·         In the pursuit of the above goal, she is supported by worldly education – the enquiring mind, which has the tendency to question everything, everywhere and every time.

·         The woman who has the capacity or opportunity to have independent income gives her independent thinking, planning and acting demands that her independence be recognized and accepted by her spouse. She usually fights to achieve this goal.

·         In the modern times, the woman is increasingly engaged in professional or other work life. She is often a working wife and sometimes earning more money than her husband which makes her feel proud and superior in many respects in the family and outside. This may impact her attitude and behavior towards her spouse and make her more assertive.  

·         The media has given her newer ideas of equality in the society and the family and motivates her to gain upper hand in her relation with her husband.

·         She has more practical wisdom when he is more a theoretician. So when he is conceptually right, she is practically right. These make them wonder as to who the winner is and who the looser.  

·         She desires to control him which is part of the curse she received from God after the fall of man (Genesis 3:16/4:17).

         The secret of a happy and satisfying family life is when these natural and unregenerate nature and traits of us is allowed to be transformed into supernatural qualities, behavior and attitudes. It’s possible only when we submit ourselves and our priorities to the Holy Spirit and allow Him full control of us all.

 

Let it be our motto in family life to please and glorify the Founder and Builder of our families and to please our spouses.

 

 

THE DELAYS IN LIFE!

 The Delays in Life!! 

Let's don't let any seeming delay that's taking place around us to take away our joy which is our strength from above.  

Let's learn to Rejoice in the delays that He plants in our lives!

God delayed the birth of Isaac (25 years) and later Jacob (20+ years).

God delayed the elevation of Joseph and the fulfillment of his dreams for 13 years.

God delayed the arrival of Samuel in the life of Hannah! 

Our God is the God of delays! He is not in a hurry! He is a Builder and He creates and recreates our lives slowly and steadily and systematically. 

God's delays are His appointment for His perfect time.

God's delays are not inactivity or indifference, but preparation to build our faith up! While there seems to be a delay, God is working behind the curtain in our lives! 

God delays, but never forgets His promises. He remembered Abraham, Sarah, Rachel and Hannah in His time! 

God's delays are because He is building oaks and olive trees out of our lives and not grass. 

He delayed Israel's wilderness journey for 40 years!

He delayed 7 days for the wall of Jericho to fall!

He came to rescue His disciples who were in the storm at the fourth watch! 

His delays are our learning experiences in His School of Patience! We must graduate with flying colors! 

God's delays are often to test our faith and patience! 

So Let us Praise God for His delays in our lives!!

Let's fully trust in God, for His delays are not to harm or hinder us, but to strengthen us and build our faith up! 

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Psalms 27:14

MY STRENGTH AND MY SONG

 MY STRENGTH AND MY SONG

The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation:  Psalms 118:14

My Lord has taught me through my multifarious experiences that I have no strength outside my Lord, as He continually strengthens and fortifies me in all my situations. 

In my lonely nights, as I am tossed around on my bed, and when I am unable to sing a comforting song to myself, He reminds me to sing about all that He has done for me. He helps me to sing about Him and His sweetness. 

When I am stuck and find no way forward, He comes to me and shows me a way out of my situations. He holds my hands and takes me out of the snares and the hindrances. He opens new doors for me when the world around shuts my way way forward. He leads and guides me. 

When I feel all alone and when I am forsaken, isolated, insulated and left in the lurk, He comes to hold me tight in His hands and holds me close to His chest and wipe my tears. He comforts me and gives me new promises to claim.  

In my lonely moments, He is my Friend to talk to me and to fill my heart with His presence. He sings with me His 'sweet songs of salvation'. He gives me His joy and peace and makes me jubilant because of the consciousness that He is with me and will never leave me an orphan. 

He gives me courage to face all my dark and cloudy circumstances and situations. He fills me with confidence in Him and fills me with His glory. He continuously fills me with His Holy Word. 

  

He helps me to run my race by looking unto Him every moment of my life (Hebrews 12:1-2). He shows me His pathways where I can see His footprints and helps me to place my feet on His footprints to run to my destination. Its amazing that He is my running-mate and my travel companion. Its a jubilant experience to run with Him, walk with Him and move with Him. 

In Him, I am safe, secure, strong and sustained! In Him, I am unmovable and I stand strong on Him the Rock of Ages! 

Prayer for Today

"Lord Jesus! Please help me to realize how trustworthy You are for all my needs and situations. I want to experience Your presence all my life and in all my circumstances no matter how cumbersome it is. Please help me to draw upon Your strength to live on all days of my life. Amen! 

SEEK AND CALL

 Seek and Call 

Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Isaiah 55:6

Our forgetfulness and carelessness make us not to seek the Lord while there is still time and opportunity. 

Somehow, somewhere, we slowly drift from our first love to the Lord. Our flesh and intellectual mind and over-dependence on wealth, position, education, power, privileges and prominence in the world deter us from loving and wanting the Lord more and more. It negatively impacts our prayer life. We start thinking that we can live without His help much. We camouflage our life behind our religiosity and traditions. 

When we follow such a self-oriented lifestyle, it so happens that we fall into trouble and desperately feel the need for the Lord, it might be too late. We would have unnecessarily suffered a lot and lost the opportunity to get settled in life. Our foolishness to seek after the Lord at the right time causes a lot of misery and heartache for us. We must realize that all of these frustrations can be avoided if only we keep seeking and searching after our Lord at the right time. We must realize that when we call, answers will come from the Lord at the right time. Seeking and calling are our responsibility and answering is His prerogative.

Let's understand that 'Today is the day of acceptance. Today is the day of God's favor" (2 Corinthians 6:2). 

So lets call on the Lord and knock at His door with passion, and earnestly knock and seek for His favors. 

Prayer for Today

"O God! Please open my eyes to see your nearness in my most distressing moments and seek and find Your presence and power, and depend on You for my every need. Amen!"

THE REFINING POT AND THE FURNACE

 The Refining Pot and the Furnace

The Refining Pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, and a man is valued by what others say about him: Proverbs 27:21

Unless the silver and the gold are ready to endure to the greatest extent, it won't be fully and perfectly purified. During the process, the metals might be crying out for a release from the fire and begging aloud for taking it out of the process. This the experience of the child of God in this life. 

But the Divine Goldsmith "mercilessly" keeps it there because He knows when to stop. He keeps guaranteeing the metal to remain there for a few more minutes. He will say: "Son/Daughter, I am holding you tight in my crucified hands. You will remain here for just the time required to be graciously purified. Take your hands off and be silent and know that I am the God of Grace (Psalms 46:10)". 

The refining pot and the furnace as God's plan to purify us so that the best in us will come out. We might go through devastating gossip, lies and distortions and misinterpretations and tarnishing and crucifixion which are too much to bear for the child of God. It might be loss of health and even livelihood. Even the best of friends and kin might turn their faces away and remain as if they have never known us. 

Sometimes the truth never comes out during our lifetime. But there will be a time when the truth will come out, at least at the Bema. Then we will rejoice. Our Lord will wipe our tears and pat our back and fill our hands with rewards. 

So today let's not get "excited" about the "scheming praises" and devastating criticisms. Let's  go to our "Heavenly Appeal Court" for ultimate justice and for endurance to remain on course. Let's look at our crucified, rejected, persecuted, forsaken and forgotten Lord and His experience of fire and get inspiration. Let's go after Him rather than looking up to the "higher mountains around" (Psalms 121:1) and get discouraged. Our help comes from our beloved Lord. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Prayer for Today

"Lord Jesus! Give me grace and patience today to go through tough and painful experiences that you allow me in this life so that I will humbly submit to Your hands to mold me to be like Your image. Please help me not to get discouraged or impatient. Help me to wait for Your time to shape me for Your glory. Amen"