COUNSELOR'S CORNER: WEATHERING STORMS IN MARRIAGE

Weathering storms in Marriage

Dear Uncle:

I hope you will patiently read the story of my marriage and offer me help to keep going. I am going through a difficult time in my marriage and family life and do not know what to do.

Professionally I am a nurse. I got married 9 years ago to James who is a business executive in our city. We have two children, aged 7 and 4, both girls. As we both earn well, we have a good life. I am a born again and baptized believer. James is a believer and he hails from a good family and his parents are involved in the assembly. My parents are also believers and active in the church. 

 We started our married life quite happily. We communicated well with each other and attended church regularly. We also have a number of professional and family friends and we visit many of them on a regular basis.

Of late, I found James not showing any interest in spending time with me. He comes from work late. Sometimes he comes after his dinner from some restaurant or a party. As soon as he comes home, he spends his time on the mobile phone, checking WhatsApp and calling some friends. Then he goes to bed without family prayer. I called him initially for family prayer on several evenings, but he then gets irritated and excuses himself by saying that he is tired and sleepy. He doesn’t spend time with the children and they miss him much. When they go to him, he gets angry and responds with outbursts, and so children become scared and run away from him with tears. One night I woke up in the middle of the night and found him watching some strange things on the mobile phone (possibly movies or wrestling) and he quickly hid it from me. I am sorry to see that James has changed totally. He always looks depressed and is in a bad mood. Nowadays he is not showing any interest in going for meetings. Added to that, our spiritual friends who used to visit us stopped coming because James doesn’t show any interest in visiting them or welcome them to our house.

I told his parents about him, but they seem to be helpless and ask me to pray. I am praying for him for quite some time. But there is no visible change in him. Our spiritual happiness and peace at home seem to be lost. Of late, he doesn’t seem to bother to buy food materials for the house. I do not know what is happening to my husband and my family because of these visible changes in him. I am helpless and am deeply frustrated.

Uncle, please help me to find out what is wrong with our family and how we can regain the joy that we lost. I am a broken-hearted woman and I am desperate for your help.

Yours sincerely in Christ

Josephine

Dear Josephine

Thank you for frankly sharing your burden about your husband and family with me. I am glad that you are a praying woman. Rest assured that the Lord will answer your prayers and that He will give your husband and family back to you as it has been before.

Going through your narratives about your husband and your family life, I feel that there is serious spiritual backwardness in his life. This seems to be the reason why he has lost interest in family prayer and in going for assembly meetings. It seems he is not even reading Bible daily, but much interested in WhatsApp and watching ‘strange things’ on the phone and the Internet.

From your email, it is not clear as to what has led him to such spiritual backwardness. But it is likely that his spiritual backwardness is linked with his cold relationship with you. But we do not know which started first. I also wonder if he has some job-related issues which made him frustrated and subsequently depressed. Perhaps he is into bad friendship circles.

No matter what his problems are, the key to bringing him back to normal behavior and attitude to the Lord and to you rests with you as you commit him in earnest prayer. Your patient, loving, concerned and considerate approach and sympathetic attitude to him should slowly change him and draw him back to you and the children. You may take maximum effort to try to spend more time with him. Instead of complaining or nagging, be kind to him and try to understand his spiritual difficulties. If overuse of mobile phone and watching movies and other strange things on it persists, see how you can occupy his mind with spiritual things and loving conversation. Try to see if you can call him up a few times a day and inquire about him and work. Tell him how much you miss spending time with him. But your conversation with him may be, as much as possible, non-irritating, soft, friendly, warm and courteous. Your facial expression, body language, the tone of voice and gestures are important. Ask him how you can together plan family time for you and the children. Tell him that you are praying for him for his work situation. Lovingly persuade him to sit for family prayer, but never rebuke or find fault with him or fall for verbal abuse of any sort. Tell him how much you value him in life and how you and the children miss him. Ask him to speak to you openly about any of his problems, but never put pressure on him. Your patience, maturity, and prayerfulness will be the tools through which the Lord will bring him back to Him and to yourself and your children.

Please be much in prayer and ask the Lord to give James back to you. Prayerfully claim him for Jesus and for you. When he sleeps, try to touch and pray for him. All day, as you work, let short prayers rise up from your heart for James and your family. Ask your parents and his parents to pray for him, but please tell them not to make any complaints about him. It is a good idea if both the parents make occasional visits to your home and stay for a few days at a time. When the parents visit, it will possibly be good for them to show love and concern and to encourage him to sit for family prayers. On such occasions, they may softly try to make him read the Bible and sing songs with you all. You could all go for some of the meetings of the assembly also when the parents are around. But please remind the parents about the need to carefully deal in all these matters and not to pick up any arguments with him.

It is also good to check and see if James has any addiction in behavior or actions and if he has any element of depression or stress due to the work situation. If so, he might need serious counseling.

Let me remind you of the fact that James needs help now and you should not wait till it becomes very serious. It is better to attempt to help him resolve his difficulties before his heart is hardened. It is also important to guard your children against getting affected by the behavior of James. Please continuously, but softly counsel them and sit and pray with them.

I am praying for you, James and your children. Please don’t be discouraged, but trust the Lord to change your situation and make it as happy as it used to be. Please read Psalms 42:5 and meditate on it and find comfort in the promises of God.

Yours sincerely

Oommen Philip

Series: THE REVIVAL OF A GREAT PROPHET - 1

The revival of a Great Prophet-1

Meditations from Isaiah Chapter Six

Let’s meet Isaiah in the valley of life

Many servants of God had their share of the valley experience of their life and ministry. More often than not, we are given very little details of those experiences and inroads into their brokenness. So we are unable to dive into those valleys to learn what they have learned and how these can be applied in our own lives. Brokenness is rarely shared with anyone and so the pain, shame, misery, tears, groaning and griping accompanied with it are left in oblivion.

Prophet Isaiah is an exception to this. He received the grace to articulate every detail of his experience of brokenness for God’s people to learn great lessons from it and apply in scores of lives. He was willing to expose himself and the lowest point in his life for others to see as a testimony to God’s grace and mercy towards him. Isaiah has already been a preacher and prophet for years as we come to Chapter Six of his prophetic book. His ministry has powerful and penetrating all the while. His words were bold and expressions were focused in order that the people of God would experience a revival in their souls. Like Paul, Isaiah did not hide from God’s people anything that the Lord had laid on his heart. He was not at all concerned about the consequences of the message he was entrusted with to preach because it was not his message, but the Lord’s. He recognized that his life was first and foremost the Lord’s message to the people among whom he dwelt. Of course, his utterances were equally his life in a message, but he felt that his life and words must complement each other to make it credible and powerful. He knew that the message of the Lord will not come back without result and so he preached his heart out and lived his life out. He used words like that of John the Baptizer. But as he continued to preach, he became more and more aware of his own needs for a revival, dynamism and greater spiritual revolution.

One would normally not expect the preacher to experience revival and feel that the people need it badly. But the experience of Isaiah brings home to our hearts the truth that the preacher needs revival in his soul more than the people who listen to his message. The Prophet’s message has to be his life itself and unless it is broken, rebuilt, revitalized and exposed to the people, the message he preaches will be conceptual and not practical. So it was the divine plan that early in his ministry, prophet Isaiah had to be exposed in the height of his brokenness. So God uses contemporary situations to grant the experience of brokenness in the life of His choice servant Isaiah.

Preliminary considerations

Isaiah Six teaches us that even as we continue to preach and minister unto the spiritual needs of God’s people, we need to feel a craving for continuous brokenness and revival in our souls so that our messages will be sharper than ever before. Isaiah’s experience asks us as to whether we desire a fresh visitation from the Lord to do something in our souls that has never happened before? Do we have pant for a fresh experience with the risen Lord in all His glory? Are we ready to be exposed openly when our only cover will be the Lord and His glory and not our eloquence, expertise, experience, and exuberance? 

It is at this juncture that Prophet Isaiah comes alive in front of our eyes as we open the book of Isaiah and go to the vision he received which is elucidated in Chapter Six. His experience was primarily for him to be cleansed and revitalized. But it is a model for every Christian believer, to take a hard look at the brokenness of this great preacher and prophet, and profit from it for him to start with and for the Lord’s people. If Isaiah needed such an experience, modern day preachers and servants of God need it all the more.  

Let’s understand the context of Isaiah’s Prophecy

Isaiah was permitted to minister unto the people of God to show them that even when kings come and go one after the other (Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah: Isaiah 1:1), the Word of the Lord remains unchanged in its power, glory and sharpness as it is eternally secured in heaven (Psalms 119:89). The message comes through the seraphs, the servants of God, who are made instruments for a ministry unto the prophets of the old and the new. Their responsibility it is to have action-oriented preaching in its seriousness. Through it all, God shows Isaiah that He is the preeminent God who rules over all other forces and speaks through them all.

Isaiah acknowledges at the beginning of his book that God speaks to the wind and the sky (Isaiah 1:2). This is because nature and all of the creation listen to and obey God unquestionably. It is also a reminder to the people that God still speaks even when the man doesn’t listen, obey or take God’s commands seriously. There is an alluding question as to whether the prophet himself listened to God. The answer to this question is seen in Chapter Six.

Through the life of King Uzziah, God wanted Isaiah to understand that no matter how powerful man is and how sustainable he thinks he is, God will remove him from power if he is not willing to abide by God’s commands and His Word.

The events leading to the death of King Uzziah is a situation of the end of an era of national stability, growth in technology, industrial and agricultural development, enhancement of commerce and military power which make Uzziah’s kingdom invincible by the enemies. His success in multifarious sectors made Uzziah proud and arrogant. He took God’s law of worship for granted and acted like a priest which was against God’s law. Uzziah had to be dealt with by God for this violation. Through the removal of Uzziah from power, God taught Isaiah and the people of God that if they break God’s commandment, they will be handled by God in His own way. 

The overall situation of the division of the kingdom because of the quarrel and fight among the brothers was another pitfall among God’s people. There was also no separation from the sinful life of the Gentiles around them. There was competition, rebellion, jealousy, and idolatry among God’s people. God dealt with all of these offenses of His people sternly which remains as a warning for us today. 

  

At His perfect timing, God withdrew Uzziah from the scene and sent bewilderment and apprehension to the hearts of people about their future. They didn’t know what to expect from the upcoming kings. Israel was ultimately captured by the enemies in 721 BC. Judea was captured by Sennacherib. God’s people as a nation experienced national confusion. There were fear, hopelessness, and uncertainty everywhere.  Little did they realize that not too far from there the foundation for the upcoming Roman Empire was being laid as a great power which will be another threat to Israel in the future? This is the setting of Isaiah Chapter Six. 

It was a time like that of our present world and the state of the church of Jesus Christ today. Abrahams are in the tents, but Lots live in bungalows! (Genesis 13:18 & 19:2). Many of our families are taken captive by the world, flesh and the enemy and there is no one to go and fight to release them from its clutches! (Genesis 14:12-15).  Our Youth have fallen in this desert of the world, with no one to lift them up and give them water of life! (Genesis 21:18). Our Gahazys, Demases and Baalams have all gone back to the world and its riches! The enemy is hiding and living in the secret chambers of the assemblies, as in the times of Nehemiah! (Nehemiah 13:7). Our Jeremiahs, Peters and Pauls are in the pits and in shackles in prison cells! Our Jonahs have gone their way to Tarshis rather than obey the call to go to Nineveh to preach revival and repentance! (Jonah 1:3).

Just as in the case of Isaiah, it’s time our preachers and elders renew their visions and get a new vision of the Lord and His true and majestic glory. They need fiery tongues and eyes to preach a more powerful and sharper message. They need a change of attitude and heart to receive and preach a timely message through their renewed tongues. Then and then alone will the people catch the fire of repentance and experience revival and renewal in their souls. This is why God made Isaiah go through the experience of the altar and the fiery cleansing of his tongue. If Isaiah needed brokenness and cleansing, we need it many more times. If he needed a new tongue, we need it all the more. We need to be convicted of sins in our lives and must move forward with true confession and repentance so that God can renew our messages and revisit our people in a fresh manner. If Isaiah needed to cry aloud for renewal, we need it in a greater manner. Then we will get a new zeal. Yes, prophets, preachers and pastors need revival and preach with a broken heart and eyes overflowing with tears. Then we will all see the vision of our Lord and experience His power. It will follow on to change us to passionate preaching and obedient living.   

COUNSELOR'S CORNER: REBUILDING A SHATTERED MARRIAGE

Rebuilding a shattered Marriage

Dear Sir:

I am a 35-year-old born again and baptized believer, living in a large metro in India. I am a business executive. In 2008, I was married to Sobha (31), an IT executive, who is also a believer. We started our family life happily and God blessed us with two lovely children who are 8 and 5 years old. We have a live-in cook cum babysitter to look after our children and the house.  Sobha and I are very busy at work and so we hardly get time to spend with each other or with the children. Job and travel take away all our time. On Sundays, we sometimes miss church as there are many things to do at home and also because we wake up late.

After our first child was born, I noticed that Sobha seemed to keep a distance from me. But she finds enough time to speak to her parents regularly and she reports everything in our family life to them. She also speaks regularly with her friends and is heavy on the WhatsApp chat. After the second child was born, she is almost totally withdrawn from me. She hardly talks to me. She doesn’t find time to eat dinner with me and the children claiming that she is too busy with household chores. If I ask her anything about life, work, children or her parents, she gives very curt and sometimes harsh and angry replies. If I forget to do something for her and the children, she gets into angry outbursts and curses me and her married life. Our family life is full of bitter arguments about all petty things. The other day, I overheard her telling her mom over the phone that our marriage was not according to God’s will. I am shocked to hear this and much worried about my marriage and my children. I wonder why we cannot live happily. I do not know what has happened to the love that we had during the initial years of our marriage! Will you please help me to settle my family life?

Yours sincerely

Solomon

Dear Solomon

I am truly sad to hear about your battered married life. Thank you for writing to me about it which shows your sincere desire to rebuild your family life.

From your description of your family life scenario, it seems your difficulties started some years back and grew worse slowly which is what I observe in many Christian marriages. Even though it is not clear from your letter about the real reason for the souring of your marriage, there seem to be a few contributory factors. First and foremost, I feel that the very busy work life for you both made both of you unable to find time for each other. This seemed to have seriously affected your communication with each other. Thus even though you both lived under the same roof, you were like strangers and did not have time to build up and nourish your relationship with each other. Secondly, whatever time that she got, Sobha used it to look after some things about the children and home. Thirdly, you seemed not to have enough time to sleep and compensated it by sleeping late on Sundays, and thus missing meetings and fellowship frequently. Fourthly, it seems no one from the church bothered to visit you and made inquiries about your absence from meetings. Fifthly, it seems you have not found time for family prayer which would have seriously affected your spiritual life. Or rather, your poor spiritual life would have kept you away from finding time for family prayer. All of these seem to have kept your spiritual life at a very low ebb. Added to all of these, Sobha seemed to have complained about your family life to her parents and reported all the ups and downs to them and would have found support from her parents which would have a negative impact on her attitude and actions. Probably a mobile phone would have facilitated a lot of chat between Sobha and her parents and her friends which would have given her more boldness in reacting to you. Your busy work life would have also taken a toll on your ability to spend time together and given you both a lot of stress, thus further affecting your relationship. Sobha would have missed love and affection from her husband which would have seriously frustrated her and made her easily irritable and angry. Apart from all of these, your innocent children would have sensed the lack of communication between their parents for each other and towards them as well.  

Please understand that family life is like a plant which needs to be watered and nourished with love, positive communication, togetherness, intimacy, and mutual care. If these are not poured into family life, such a life will dry down and slowly wither away. Both of you have a responsibility for your family plant to be sustained, watered, nourished, protected and strengthened so as to enable it to grow and bring forth flowers with fragrance. You as the husband ought to help your wife to help you build up because God has appointed you are the spiritual leader of your family.    

It is likely that the atmosphere of intimidation, hatred and hopelessness in your family life would have affected Sobha’s spiritual life and behavior and crept in frustration in her heart which is exhibited through her irritability, anger and outbursts. It is also likely that her friends with whom she conversed would have supported her in her attitude of withdrawal and isolation from you.  I wonder why Sobha’s parents didn’t bother to softly speak to you about her feelings about you.  

May I say that Biblically speaking, you are the head of the family! So I hope you will be able to see that you have the responsibility to give spiritual leadership to your wife and children. Your lapse in not going for meetings, Bible studies or fellowship, and not having regular family prayer would have affected your and Sobha’s relationship with God and subsequently developed coldness in heart for each other. Please think as to how to correct this situation as soon as possible. To start with, confess your failures to God and ask Him to help you to rebuild your family life.

 It’s been well said that “A Family that prays together stays together”. This is a good way to look at your prayer life. One of the most important things you need to do is to restart family prayer and to attend meetings in the assembly regularly. You are the right person to take initiative for these. Please take time to softly speak to Sobha about the need to rebuild your family life and seek her support.

You may also need to find time to spend with your wife and open up positive communication with her. Please try to prayerfully and softly respond to Sobha when she gets upset and angry. Be careful not to react angrily at her. Please pray for self-control in all your responses to her which is a fruit of the Spirit. Pray much for Sabha, that the Lord would build her up spiritually and change her attitude towards you. Try to do everything possible to make her understand that you love her deeply and that she is a precious gift God has given you. Please help her to understand that your marriage has been in the will of God, through your positive and loving attitude to her and to the children. Sobha may be helped to understand that the devil is trying to destroy your marriage (John 10:10) and that you have to live to love each other and bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of Jesus Christ.  Whatever you lack in your relationship may be claimed from the Lord as an answer to intensive and agonizing prayer (Psalms 9:10; Matthew 7:7-11).

You may also think about how to reach out to Sobha’s parents lovingly and make them understand that spiritual lapse is the core of your problems and that you are now committed to rebuild it. Please seek their prayer support also and ask them to strengthen Sobha in faith. It is also a good idea to take a vacation, if possible, and be away to some quiet place to spend time together as a family. That’s where you will not have any pressure of work and daily routine. It is also a good idea to find time to visit parents or some relatives or family friends occasionally. These will certainly help you both to relax and build up your relationship with each other. But please make sure to discuss these suggestions with Sobha before taking decisions so that she will participate in it. Make sure to slowly and softly work these out rather than put pressure on her.

If Shoba is not able to cope with work and home pressure, it may be a good idea to help her think about the possibility of ‘work from home’ or switching to a part-time job or even consider taking some long leave, whichever is feasible until the children grow up a bit more. As you consider these options with her, please do it in the context of your financial needs and stability. Remember that money and work are to be considered not at the expense of losing your joy in the family life. But these ideas need open and frank discussion and prayer between the two of you so that you both will know God’s will in these matters. Please also pray for patience and be open in making these decisions, without arguments, conflicts and agitation. Let Sobha know that she is the most important person in your life and that you cherish time with her.

Dear Solomon, may I remind you that you are responsible and accountable before God for your Sobha and your children. God gave them to you to care for, love and cherish. Sobha is the instrument God chose to give your children and so she is to be valued much in this life. You need to help Sobha to help you to rebuild your family life.

Please do not lose any more time but start to rebuild your family life, but start immediately (Proverbs 9:1; 14:1). Please pray much as you prepare to take all the initiative to rebuild the broken walls of your family. You may take initiative to regain all the precious family fellowship that you seemed to have lost for some time. May God help you to do so and bring back the joy that has been absent in your family life! May God give you the grace to handle your situation amicably and peacefully rather than escalate it! Instead of getting frustrated and give up, trust God to help you rebuild (Psalms 37:5; 42:5; 55:22; 80:3) your family.  I assure you of my prayer support for you, Sobha and your children.

Yours sincerely in Christ

Oommen Philip

GENDER EQUALITY: THE BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

Gender Equality: The Biblical Perspective

Gender: Issues or Burdens?

Gender issues and burdens govern human thoughts and actions all over the world. Gender considerations are prime in the policies and practices of Governments, businesses, politics, religious and voluntary organizations and in all places where man and woman meet, mingle and socialize, and in all human activities. In some spheres, they enjoy equal rights and status, and in some others, they have separate territories to dwell on. In many countries, a woman has special privileges whereas in some they are treated at par with men. However, it is ironical that those who crusade for gender equality enjoy special privileges and treatments in certain spheres to have an advantage over others. The conflicts in this sphere are largely because we do not look at it from the divine perspective but from the finite human angle.

Even though the Bible is crystal clear on gender issues, Christianity had its share of controversies on issues related to gender over the years. These issues are seriously discussed, debated and disputed on many a forum, but sadly these have not converged much. All those who are involved in these deliberations remain dissatisfied about the policies on gender in the Church and in the society.

One may look at the issue of gender equality from God’s perspective rather than from human, to understand, accept and follow on so that there can be a satisfactory disposition on it. At the same time, we must also look at these issues from a human point of view to make it relevant, pragmatic and situational to apply these in our daily lives and in our immediate context.

It is pertinent here to note that Christianity has played a major role in bringing about gender equality in the various cultures of the world. The Church and the modern missionary movement have fought to bring about the dignity, status, employment, education, health and development of the so-called weaker gender. Thus Christianity, the Bible and the power of Gospel have been major catalysts in liberating the weaker gender and help them come to the forefront of modern life even in religiously conservative cultures and countries.

Despite the general impression of the woman being the weaker vessel, she has been, more than once, emperor, Prime Minister and political leader of several countries of the world including the empire where the sun never set at least for some time. In many other cultures, she has been the queen like in many African tribal groups. Women have been powerful in many kingdoms in Asia and they were great fighters like the Queen of Jhansi. In some cultures, in India, women held the wealth and property of the families and thus controlled families and communities.

Gender: The Epitome of the secret of creation

The idea of gender and its differences has its origin with God. There are divine wisdom and purpose in humans being of two genders which have a lot of differences and an equal number of similarities that make them complementary rather than contradictory. But we can’t discount the subtle and cunning ploy of the enemy to create a false impression that there is a third gender called ‘transgender’ which is influencing nations, humanity and even the judicial system. Transgender is the impact of abuses of various nature the enemy instilled in humans during childhood and puberty years to create an ungodly way of life.  American Psychiatric Association and American Psychological Association have conducted a series of studies to ascertain this. Moreover, it has been proved that a clear majority of transgenders have moderate to serious mental aberration like depression, obsession, mania and other mental disorders reflected in their behavior and attitude (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA; American Journal of Psychiatric Rehabilitation, 14: 13–39, 2011). Others are forced into repeated mind manipulations through the media and social media. The Bible emphasizes these as deviant behavior (Romans 1:26-27). But the enemy of our souls repeats the lie that transgender is for real several times through the media and fake studies like Kinsey Report to make even innocent people think that there is some ‘truth’ in these lies. Lately, the enemy has successfully invaded into the legislative and legal processes in many countries including India.

When God created humans, He made them male and female, in His own image and they both had His breath in them (Genesis 1:26-31). Their duties, responsibilities, rights, and privileges were the same. They were one person made into two and then were blended together (Genesis 5:1-2). They were given the same spiritual and earthly blessings equally. They both were granted unique roles in building up future generations.

When sin entered human life, man and woman lost many of the privileges given to them by God. Their mutual relationship was also ruptured. Thus, they developed the desire to control and rule over each other (Genesis 3:16). Thus, there have been conflicts, competition and consequent problems in human life which resulted in suppression, oppression, and complexes of the various type which affected their relationship the world over. Their roles get reversed in some cases and each fighting for its own rights, recognition, privileges, importance, prominence, and relative satisfaction.

It is then that God provided a new equation between man and woman where the old self is crucified and made to die and a new person to emerge in its place. This is what the Bible calls ‘Rebirth’. In the new life, the two persons, both man and woman, crucify their craving for control, rule, competition, winning over each other and to oppress, suppress and become slaves to various complexes. They subsequently lose these desires as they allow the Spirit of God to control their hearts, thoughts, desires, likes, and dislikes. The Bible speaks about this as ‘newness in Christ’ without any feeling or sense of superiority or inferiority (Galatians 2:20; 2 Corinthians 5:17). When man and woman become a new creation, their relationship becomes one of mutual responsibility and complementarity (Galatians 3:26-29). Each tries to understand his or her roles in this relationship and tries to fulfill the role to the best of one’s ability, effort, commitment and submission (Ephesians 5:21) and live in humility. The Bible reassures its readers in general and believers that man and woman cannot be independent of each other as they are in the new creation through rebirth (1 Corinthians 11:11). They are interdependent. This is the gender equality the Bible teaches and helps its followers to practice in families, church and in the society at large. 

Equality through centuries

History reveals that equality and equity are fought and sought after through the centuries by humans. At the same time, biblical influence worked to help woman gain security, safety, equality and dignity in the various cultures of the world. Bible has influenced to change a lot of superstition and taboos of the various cultures in the realm of gender especially in Africa and South Asia. The Bible thus practically demonstrated its power in influencing the world. But we must bear in mind the fact that despite all that the Bible has done for the woman, its impact can be felt only through the right attitude of both man and woman.

Equality in the New Testament

In the New Testament, we read that Jesus dealt with women as much as He dealt with men. Jesus revealed that He was Messiah, first to a Samaritan woman. The resurrected Lord Jesus appeared first to a woman, thus giving so much privilege to womenfolk. We also read that women were actively involved in the church in various ministries (Romans 16)

The New Testament gives specific instructions about the involvement of women in the church. Even though there is no gender difference in salvation (Galatians 3:28), as far as ministries in the church are concerned, women are instructed to remain silent or inaudible, in the sense of instructing men (1 Tim. 2:11-15; 1 Corinthians 14:34). Scriptures also give reasons for such an instruction. It is because the woman was used of the devil to mar the first creation by succumbing to temptation while in the garden of Eden, that God wanted women to be restrained from marring the second creation, the church through taking a leadership role. The Bible reminds its readers that men were given the leadership role in the church whereas women’s role is mostly among sisters (Titus 2:4-5) and in the homes to bring up children. Here we can clearly see the different roles attributed to the woman in the church and at home where man is the head and woman is in a support role. But both these roles are equally important and that they are complementary to each other. They are like the two sides of a coin and together their roles make human life in society and family possible. In the absence of such a converging of roles and responsibilities, there will be anarchy in the world, church and in homes. 

Genders coexist for a divine purpose

It is to be reiterated that there is perfect equality between man and woman in God’s economy of things. They are given equal importance and status in the way God deals with them. But surely there are differences in their roles and responsibilities just as we find a difference in the parts played by different organs in the human body. When each part recognizes this truth, there is no conflict in the functioning of the human body. So, when the Bible commands the woman to submit to the man in a husband-wife relationship (Ephesians 5:22), we are all also admonished to submit to each other in the fear of Christ (verse 21; 1 Peter 5:5). Thus, there is no cause for clamour and battle to gain equality which is already recognized by the Bible in the church, in homes, and in the society. Added to this, submission of the wife to the husband is envisaged as a loving and passionate attitude in response to the unconditional agape’ of the husband towards the wife rather than a compulsive and authoritarian demand placed on the wife. If the Eternal Son of God submits to the Eternal Father voluntarily, the secret of submission needs to be understood in the like manner (1 Corinthians 11:3).  The head covering given to the woman is a practical demonstration of this truth.

We must remind ourselves of the fact that the difference and distinction of gender are functional and not positional, as nature itself teaches humans. Along with this, man and woman are given specific roles and responsibilities with corresponding accountabilities in the creation and in the church, which are complementary, conciliatory and congenial. Both man and woman need each other for God to fulfill His purpose in creation and in the new creation. May the readers receive the grace to meet the attitudinal challenges in these spheres and try to recognize our place and importance in fulfilling the purpose for which we are placed here on earth!!

COUNSELOR'S CORNER: AFFAIRS

Counselor’s Corner: AFFAIRS 

Dear uncle:

I am going through a difficult situation which I am unable to share with my parents and best friends in the assembly. Please give me a solution through the pages of your magazine. I am a 16-year-old female, Plus Two student, in a mixed school. I am born again and I recently got baptized also. My dad and mom are actively involved in the assembly and my elder brother is active in our youth group.

Uncle, in our class, all my classmates except me have “affairs”, with some from among our classmates or from the other batches and from the junior classes in the school and a few from their neighborhood. They all share these openly with friends. My classmates are ridiculing me for not having an affair and they push me to develop such relationships with boys in our school. They say that it is only natural to have such relationships and that there is nothing wrong in it. They always try to connect me with some boy and persuade and motivate me to develop affairs. I know that I am a child of God and should resist such entanglements in this world. But it is very difficult in our school environment. I do not know what to do and how to handle this situation and am losing my concentration in studies and in spiritual matters. I am afraid I might fall any time soon because of constant pressure from my friends and promptings from the boys around. I am not confident to share this with my mother because I am afraid I might be misunderstood. Please help me through this medium.

Ansu

Dear Ansu:

I am glad you decided to share this burden with me which shows your sincerity in this matter. Thanks for being very frank and open. As you know, our environment in schools and colleges is highly contaminated with sin and worldliness. The enemy of our soul is trying to lure us into a sin of some sort so as to destroy our spiritual life. Many of our dear youth have fallen into such temptations and traps and have destroyed their lives. I am glad you are resisting these temptations. Such temptations always come from the devil to destroy God’s children. But it is not a serious matter for the unsaved people even though these affairs have caused total destruction for many of them also. The enemy will try to tempt you through your eyes when you see some attractive person. Temptations will come through the ears when people prompt you through enticing and motivating words. Some temptations come through ‘casual’ touch also. Your best defense in such circumstances is to submit your eyes, ears and body as a living sacrifice to the Lord Jesus and continue to live a crucified life (Romans 12:1). Resist every temptation of the devil by praying and submitting your untoward thoughts to the Lord Jesus to handle. Keep away from such enticing friends who try to persuade you. Be friendly with them for the sake of the Gospel, but be firm in your convictions. Tell them that God is preparing one of His choicest children for you who will be revealed at the right time, probably after 5-8 years from now and till that time you want to keep your heart, mind, thoughts and emotions pure for God and for that person. If possible, share the story of Isaac and Rebekah with your friends and tell them how God will reveal His perfect will for you at His best time (Genesis 24). Tell them that you are not bothered about this subject now because you are too young to think about such serious matters as relationships. Tell them also that you will pray for them to understand the provision of God in their lives as well.

 In the Bible, we have the illustration of great ruin in the life of Samson who had many affairs. Many of the heartaches of Jacob were because of his affair with Rachel. The prodigal son ruined his life through such a riotous living. In all these cases, God could use them only after they repented of their fleshly desires and resubmitted their lives to God. They all escaped total destruction through true confession and repentance before it was too late. The book of Proverbs gives us a long list of admonitions about how to keep away from such relationships and submit our lives to God to rebuild and remold us according to His perfect will (Proverbs 3:5 & 6; Chapters 5 & 7). James said that we should submit to God, resist the devil, draw near unto God, cleanse our hands of all wrongdoings, sanctify our hearts, repent, cry and submit ourselves to the Lord (James 4:7-10).  Check and see how many of the acts of the flesh fall within the definition of ‘affairs’ given in Galatians 5:16-21.  The Bible says that you should desire and seek to have the fruit of the Spirit in your life that includes ‘’self-control’ which is the key to resisting temptations (Gal. 5:23). Temptation comes first in the form of selfish, unholy and sinful desires. But we are commanded and warned against such desires and not to covet anything that is not ours (Exodus 20: 17). When given a chance to dwell in our hearts, these desires will grow slowly and become deep cravings and will fill our hearts with an insatiable and unquenchable thirst for it. When these unholy desires become solid in our hearts, it becomes very difficult to forsake it (James 1:13-16). Please know that you are not to desire anything that is not yours, which is the sin of covetousness. But God gives us holy desires according to the Word of God and through the Spirit of God. He gives us His best at His time (James 1:17). All other desires are from the devil to distract you from the path of the cross.  We are commanded to think on things which are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), and a desire from the devil will not be one of those. Your walk among unbelieving classmates should be one of good character and behavior (1 Peter 2:11-12).

Dear Ansu, please know that God has a clear plan for your life which will be revealed at the right time. God has already earmarked a person for you as your life partner, out of the 3.75 billion males of this world. That person will best fit your needs when you reach the marital age. Till God reveals it, please resist the devil’s plans to destroy your spiritual life. Many have gone the wrong way and destroyed their lives and live with heartaches and frustrations. Life is like a glass which falls down and breaks and no one can put it together. Your life is a beautiful, but fragile glass jar in which God wants to pour His love to fill it for His glory. Please don’t allow some devilish and evil desire to break it. Keep your heart and mind clean for God to write His plan in it according to His perfect will. Resist the devil through warfare of prayer and meditation of the Word (2 Corinthians 10:4). Remember, the devil has many tactics and he sometimes also uses pseudo-spiritual people to lure you into unholy relationships so that he can destroy you. You are precious to your parents and their hearts will break if your life gets destroyed. So please pray much and dedicate yourself to Jesus on a regular basis. Flee temptations through prayer, meditation of the Word and continuous consecration. God will help you to escape these perils in life. If there is any known desire for someone, please confess it as sin and repent of it and get washed and be clean by the Word of God and be filled with the Spirit. Every time you are tempted, confess and forsake it.

Ansu, Please tell your tempters that your life is already pledged to Jesus Christ and that it is no longer negotiable. Tell them also that you want to keep your life clean. Tell them that it is not right to steal someone’s son and keep hiding him in your heart which is a sin against God and that person and his parents. Tell them that you are not an orphan to look for an affair and that you have a merciful and benevolent Heavenly Father who will care for you all the days of your life and fill you with His goodness. Also, please keep away from the visual media which keep throwing temptations into your heart and try to make you fall into temptations.

I hope you will find continued victory in your life and live a victorious life all the days of your life.

Oommen Philip

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Questions and concerns may be sent by email to oommenphilip@yahoo.com or by cell or WhatsApp: 989-557-8487

CHALLENGES IN CHRISTIAN DISCIPLESHIP

A New Book in English * Just Released

“CHALLENGES IN CHRISTIAN 

DISCIPLESHIP”

Author:  Bro. Oommen Philip, Trivandrum, India

Publisher: Brethren Bible Institute

Pathanamthitta, Kerala, India

Foreword by Bro. K.A. Philip, Mylapra, Kerala, India

This Book comes out of years of meditations, study, preaching and teaching on this vital subject by the author

Strongly recommended for trainers, preachers, teachers, workers, and Christians of all ages

Matt finish, 286 pages, with multicolor thematic cover design

Copies can be had from

The author (+91-989-557-8487)

or

Publisher (BBI: +91-468-222-4045)

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VICTORY OVER ANGER!!

Victory over Anger

There is no human being who has never become angry sometimes in life. Even infants express temper tantrum of some sort. We are all challenged and confronted by anger in us or others, leaving many scars behind. Is it possible to subdue anger in a believer’s life? The Bible assures us that we can find deliverance from this emotional aberration. 

  

Let us understand ‘Anger’

Anger is a strong expression of annoyance, displeasure or hostility at a person, situation or a thing. It is one’s reaction as a way of resistance, survival or protection against seeming wrong-doing to oneself or others by someone. A Milder form of anger may be the result of feeling tired, stressed or irritated.

One is more likely to feel irritated if one’s basic human needs like food, shelter, sleep, and convenience is not met or are jeopardized in some measure. It may then result in anger of different intensity at different times.

One may become angry when reacting to frustration, criticism or threat of some sort. A person may sometimes feel upset with other people’s beliefs, opinions and actions and become angry and say or do unreasonable or irrational things. We sometimes get angry when our expectations from others are unmet.

Many people get angry at others over disagreements. When someone doesn’t comply with what we demand, we burst into negative and uncontrollable emotional reaction and lose our temper. We cannot discount the truth that others’ actions (omissions or commissions), words facial expressions and even silence can make us angry.

It is also true that we often feel sorry for ourselves because we became angry, but instead of admitting it, we try to justify it.

Thus anger is a real, though often unwanted or irrational emotion that humans experience from time to time. Some are more prone to anger habitually for various reasons. But for a believer, such expressions indicate the absence of self-control and Spirit-control.

Behavior and Anger 

There are different behavioral manifestations in different situations as a result of anger in a person. His behavior is quite unlike his usual self. When angry, he loses his self-control and often bursts out. His blood pressure goes up. His eyesight is dimmed. His hearing diminishes and will not be able to hear clearly what he or others have spoken. In the absence of a recording, he will flatly deny that he has said or done anything of the sort others attribute to him while he was angry. His throat becomes dry. His body and tongue move fast and the brain is on a fast track. His heart beats faster and face becomes reddish accompanied with negative facial expressions. He spurts out thoughtless, illogical and inconsistent words. He slams the door or throws off things which are in his hands. The pitch of his voice becomes very high. This continues for a few moments or for a considerable time. He develops serious disregard and hatred for the object of his anger. Sometimes, even after a considerable lapse of time, his anger reappears at the thought or sight of the object of his anger. He loses his composure and in extreme cases, exhibits animal-like behavior which might lead to crimes of various degrees. While he is under the control of anger, he often abuses, shouts, mocks, threatens, curses and challenges the object of his anger. Sometimes anger erupts at the spur of the moment, and at other times, it emerges over a period of a few seconds or minutes.

Anger and Health

Anger has high physical cost as it impacts the health of the person who gets easily angered. When angry, some of his glands stop producing or overproduce hormones. Anger exerts extra pressure on a person’s circulatory, haematological, digestive, nervous and muscular systems seriously and causes damage in the long run as proved by Medical science.

Anger also has serious social cost. Angry behavior embarrasses and hurts his associates. Most people would not want to hang around with him. His family life gets affected as it would cause frustration, hurt, fear and anxiety among the spouse and children. The same may happen to his colleagues at the workplace and the believers in the church. 

Spiritual Consequences

Along with its other negative impacts, anger has serious spiritual consequences. When a believer gets angry, his behavior will be controlled by the object of his anger to do or say what it dictates. His ‘self’ will take control over his emotions and in the process, the Holy Spirit is denied control of him. His behavior, attitude and speech become a reflection of his flesh and self.

The Bible warns that anger is a work of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 4:25-31)). We are commanded to get rid of anger as it leads to evil (Psalms 37:8). Through anger, we grieve the Holy Spirit and our fellowship with God get ruptured. Anger as a sin will be a hindrance to our prayers being answered (Psalms 66:18). Anger is the result of lack of divine wisdom in a person (Proverbs 29:11). It leads to strife, conflict and quarrel (Proverbs 29:22; 30:33). We are instructed to keep away from the company of angry-prone persons (Proverbs 22:24). We are also warned that those who get angry at their brothers will face divine judgment (Matthew 5:22). That’s why James warns us to be slow to get angry (James 1:20).

Righteous Anger

Many angry-prone believers justify their anger by saying that their anger is ‘righteous’. By this, they mean that they are right because their anger is for God and thus spiritual. But righteous anger is an attribute of God who is the only perfectly righteous One. Humans can never justify their anger because there is always an element of unrighteousness in all of us. The Bible tells us how the angry-prone persons picked up judgment from God for their anger and subsequent actions. Moses got angry and broke the stone tablets (Exodus 32:19) and at another time smote the rock twice when he was asked to speak to the rock (Numbers 20:9-12). God told the angry Prophet Jonah that he had no right to get angry (Jonah 4:1, 4, 9). Anger when expresses will culminate in some sin in thoughts and behavior and that is why Paul warns us against anger (Ephesians 4:26). Paul says that true love is devoid of anger (1 Corinthians 13:5). We may express displeasure or reprove, but it has to be handled without anger and related words and actions. We are commanded to get rid of all rage, anger and associated sins of bitterness and brawling (Ephesians 4:31) because these grieve the Holy Spirit (verse 30). We must remind ourselves that the anger of man doesn’t achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:20). We are expected to forgive those who offend us (Matthew 6:12) rather than respond angrily.

Nevertheless, believers may become angry over sins and offenses against God, but it should not be expressed in a sinful way. Let us not allow the enemy to defeat us in this and to make us justify our unrighteous emotions.

Victory over Anger

The Bible tells us how to get victory over anger. But this is a formidable challenge and not easy. Due to a regular bout of anger, it becomes almost habitual in us, followed by sinful behavior. Primarily anger has to be recognized as a weakness because when we are angry, we lose our temper and become slaves to the object of our anger. But it is important that the angry-prone person regains his real self back from the bondage and tyranny of anger, related behavior and the object of his anger. This victory is possible only if he is filled (controlled) with the Holy Spirit so that the fruit of the Spirit will be visible in his responses to the objects which formerly caused him anger (Ephesians 6:18-21; Galatians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:12-17). One has to confess and repent of anger as sin and the way it has grieved the Holy Spirit and hurt the people who are the objects of his anger (like spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends, brethren, colleagues and neighbours). Secondly, when one enjoys forgiveness for the sin of anger, he has to pray for the Spirit to fill him and take full control of his emotions (Luke 11:13). Every time anger subdues and defeats a believer, this process will have to be repeated until he gets increasing victory over this grievous sin on a daily basis.

Spirit Control

The Bible says that a person has to learn not to speak when he is tempted to get angry (Proverbs 14:17). We must learn to be silent when feeling angry, and ask the Holy Spirit to take full control of our emotions. Through prayer and supplication, one has to continuously ask the Spirit to take full control of him so that he will not fall into the sin of anger. This is the way to avoid falling into anger-related sins of excessive, hurting, sinful and unruly talk. Instead, we have to train our hearts to be filled always with praise. We need to tame our spirits to be under the control of the Holy Spirit when reasons for anger come knocking at the doors of our hearts. Then we will be strengthened to be silent or respond spiritually. This is the way to get victory over anger and there is no other shortcut. We are to quieten and clam our souls like a weaned child with its mother (Psalms 131:2).

Grace for Victory

Every time we get victory over anger, we must praise God for it and seek greater grace from Him for increasing victory. Whenever there is a failure, we must quickly confess it as sin and seek forgiveness from God. It may be followed with the confession of the lack of fullness of the Spirit and spiritual fruits in life. We must then pray for the Spirit to fill and empower us, and experience it by faith. That’s how we get victory over anger-related sinful behavior, attitude, speech and actions. We are declared more than conquerors in all our emotional challenges including anger (Romans 8:37), but we experience it only through Spirit-filled life. We are expected to be overcomers and conquerors of our natural character, behavior, actions and attitudes. We are commanded to do all things in the name of our Lord Jesus and for His glory (Colossians 3:17), and anger cannot be one of those things. We should not allow the enemy to defeat us by trapping us to fall into anger (2 Corinthians 2:11). More grace is guaranteed to those who humbly seek victory over evil and destructive emotions like anger (John 1:16; James 4:6).

Let us endeavour to experience grace to overcome anger day by day. Let us confess and repent of our anger as sin and receive forgiveness. Let us seek to live a spirit-filled life so as not to grieve the Holy Spirit through our emotional sins.