BIBLICAL TENETS IN FAMILY LIFE - 2

 

Biblical Tenets in Family Life -2

Christian family life is based on biblical tenets which are God’s desires and priorities for every Christian couple at all times. We must understand that the spouses are invariably incapable of keeping family life in a complementary manner and in its perfection on the spouses’ own power and strength. Mere human wisdom, education, skills and aptitudes are insufficient to blend a husband and a wife with each other as a godly couple. That’s why the Bible gives them both clear instructions to follow in their family relations, roles and responsibilities. Every Christian couple has to heed to these commands of the Bible so that they can fulfill the purposes for which God has united them. God unites a couple and gives them the desire and faculties to blend together by trusting in divine strength and the power from above. In order to accomplish such a level of family blending and bonding, the spouses will have to work hard to mesh with each other and build each other up practically by using the God-given inclinations, qualities and desires.

            Let’s examine some of these instructions and seek the help of God to apply these in our family lives.

Biblical admonition to the spouses

·        To the husband: Love the wife – he is to love her without reservation and preconditions, and God will make the wife to submit to him as the head  of the family (Ephesians 5:25-32; 1 Corinthians 11:3).

·        To the wife: Submit to husband without reservation (obey/agree/accept/respect) – and God will make her husband to love her without reservation (Ephesians 5:22-24).

·        To husband: (a) Love the wife (even when there might be reasons not to love her without reservation); (b) he is not to be harsh and bitter to the wife (Colossians 3:19); (c) he is to lead and guide her spiritually and in every practical aspect of family life.

·        To wife: Enjoy submitting to him from your heart and not for the sake of it. (God knows it may not be easy to submit to a person whose weaknesses are known to the wife. But God will give her the strength and grace to do it) (1 Corinthians 7:13-14)

Special counsel to the Husband

·        Love your wife and prove it, just as Jesus loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus loved and gave Himself for the church as proof of His love to the church.

·        How to give oneself to the wife? In what all areas of life? One may explore this with prayer and meditation of the Word of God and by following the examples of biblical characters like Isaac, Joshua, Isaiah, Aquila, Zechariahs, Philemon and the like.

·        Give her your time – be with her and spend quality time together (Genesis 26:8).

·        Give her your presence (1 Corinthians 7:5).

·        Give her your maximum attention (Song of Solomon 2:16).

·        Give her appreciation for what she does for you, for the children, for your parents, guests and the members of the extended family (Proverbs 31:10-11).

·        Give her recognition for what she has done in life and for you and your family (Proverbs 31:28-29).

·        Give yourself to her unselfishly, without expecting anything in return (this is agape' love) (Ephesians 5:25).

·        Avoid harsh/sharp words that will cut, hurt and wound her feelings – guard against verbal abuse (Colossians 3:19).

·        No tit-for-tat – no scoring goals to her goal post and to 'enjoy' making her losing verbatim to you (James 3:10-12).

·        No win-lose battle, but develop win-win discussions and projects of love and care between the two of you (James 3:17-18).

·        No retaliation or vengeance, because she is your God-given partner and not your enemy or opponent (Ephesians 6:12) 

·        Don’t use 'silence' as a weapon because it is sharper than most other weapons in hurting her feelings (Ephesians 6:19-21).

·        Through your behavior to her, teach your sons how to love and care for their spouses in the future (Ephesians 5:21).

·        If you sow the seeds of contempt, abuse and hatred, you will definitely reap its results of the same kind in larger volume sooner or later (Galatians 6:7-9).

·        Your hands are not to hurt her, but to touch and arouse her, give her security and reassurance in life and to heal all her hurts (Song of Solomon 8:5-6).

·        Love her like you love your body, and treat her carefully, with dignity and respect (Ephesians 5:28 & 29). Remember that her emotions are fragile and so handle with care.

·        Learn the Scriptures well so that you will be able to teach her (1 Corinthians 14:35). You must prepare very well to do it.

·        Let your treatment of her teach your sons how to love and cherish their wives when they are married.

Special counsel to the wife

·        Submit joyfully to your husband because it is a commandment of Jesus and that Jesus deserves your obedience (Colossians 3:18).

·        Remember that Jesus submits to the Father even when they are co-equal in everything. This is your best model for learning submission (1 Corinthians 11:3)

·        Consider the fact that we obey and submit to all laws of our lands, including police, traffic wardens, judges, constitution, teachers and leaders; if so, why can’t we submit to the life-partner who is given to us by God? (Titus 3:1-2).

·        Leave consequences of your submission to the Lord (Numbers 30)

·        Do or say everything to the husband to protect mutual dignity, testimony and status (1 Corinthians 7:16-17).

·        Be presentable to him so you will arouse his emotions through his eyes and ears (Song of Solomon 4:9-16).

·        Support his cause and stand with him in a crisis (Proverbs 31:10-11).

·        Encourage him in his work and in spiritual matters (1 Corinthians 7:14).

·        Don’t nag him (no scolding; no fault finding; no pestering or hassling) (Proverbs 15:1; 21:9, 11).

·        Don’t openly criticize him, but let your words always be positive so as to help him focus on rebuilding his life and his family life, and to learn lessons from his failures and weaknesses (Proverbs 25:24).

·        Let your treatment of him teach your daughters how to love and cherish their husbands as they get older (Proverbs 24:3)..

To the husbands and wives in common

·        He/she is the spouse of your covenant in the presence of God; so be truthful and honest to God in your oath in God’s presence, and to each other (Philippians 4:8; James 4:7-10).

·        Your spouse is the greatest gift God has given you, after the salvation of your soul. So thank God for the gift that God has chosen for you from all around the world and be grateful for the life partner all through life.

·        Treat the spouse as gift with respect and dignity for the sake of your gratitude to the Giver and love for the gift.

·        Take a life time to unwrap, explore and enjoy the wonder of the gift of your spouse.

·        Remember: You get what you deserve, and so don’t blame the other person for your dissatisfaction with each other, but learn to accept what you got – because that person is given to you by the Lord. Be thankful to God for your spouse. 

·        Remember: You got what you wanted (Money/Education/Looks/Job/?) – Now learn to love and like that person and thank God for finding him/her for you.

·        If your life partner is seen to be a misfit because of his or her character, habits, behavior and attitude, you may consider yourself to be the therapy (and therapist) to bring that person to be the one who would mesh with you and to fulfill all your desires, through intense prayer, forgiveness and patience.

 Biblical formula for success in Family Life

a.      Pray together – like Isaac and Rebekah: Genesis 25:21

b.      Give to God all that He gives you (spouse, children and circumstances) – like Hannah: 1 Samuel 2:21

c.       Submit – like Abigail: 1 Samuel 25:24, 36 – Confess each other’s sins; wait patiently for God to act on the basis of your confession

d.      Organize joint prayer time as a daily exercise and for specific causes, burdens and concerns (1 Corinthians 7:5), apart from the regular family prayer.

e.      Prayerfully work to keep your spouse and family life sanctified (Ephesians 5:26-27)

f.        Ask God to help you to understand that proper leaving (holy detachment) and cleaving (holy attachment) is not an option, but an unchangeable biblical truth, so that you can appreciate and enjoy it practically (Ephesians 5:31)

g.      Endeavour to serving the Lord together with your spouse and family, like Aquila and Priscilla (Acts 18:26) and Philemon and Apphia (Philemon 1-2)

h.      Consultation in decisions: Four eyes will see things better than two, and so it is best to consult with each other in all matters of common interest. But if there is a stalemate, the husband is given the prerogative for the last word in that matter by the Word of God because he is divinely appointed as the leader of the family. Leave his mistakes to the Lord to handle (Numbers 30) as you battle for him in prayer. 

i.        Joint bank account and budgeting for all family income and expenses is the most biblical approach (Genesis 2:24; 5:1), but practice it by grace and not man-made law.

j.        All giving for all causes may be after mutual consultation and prayer with unity, wherever possible, except in emergencies 

 

Remember:

Family life is a series of new beginnings, starting anew each morning, with Jesus.

Try and burry the past failures and expect something new from God every day.