Biblical Tenets in Family Life -1
It has pleased God to reveal His plan, will and desire for the marriage
and family life of all God's children. These tenets are given to us in His Book
of Love, the Bible, to humanity. God expects every one of His children to
follow these truths in order to lead a happy, satisfying and successful family
life. These truths are universal and all pervasive and applicable at all times,
places and cultures. Let’s summarize these tenets in order to lay strong
foundation for our family lives in modern times.
Basic family truths
·
Marriage
is a relationship established by God. The idea is His and He did everything to
join two lives together for supernatural objectives (Genesis 1:27-31).
·
Marriage
is God’s resolve to remove loneliness and friendlessness in human beings
(Genesis 2:18; Psalms 68:6).
·
God
has established a family as a basic unit to create a moral society where a
couple is put in a personal cubicle called a family with dignity, privacy,
exclusive friendship and mutual trust (1 Corinthians 7:2).
·
It
is God who joins together a man and a woman whom God created as two unique
personalities and make them complementary to each other. God bless them as a
unique entity and give them unity in purpose, one common name and same goals in
life to pursue. The couple is expected to follow this philosophy in family life
(Genesis 5:1-2).
·
In
marriage, the couple is expected to join together in the physical, emotional,
volitional, spiritual and intellectual realms of life. Here two lives enjoy and
experience holy detachment from all other relationships and join together to
share wide and varied experiences for mutual care, satisfaction and fulfillment
(Genesis 2:24).
·
Marriage
is a permanent relationship while both are here on earth (Romans 7:2-3).
·
It
has great spiritual significance – Husband is a picture of Jesus Christ and
wife a picture of the Church which is His Bride (Ephesians 5:31-32; Matthew
19:4-6).
·
Marriage
is a partnership, deep mutual friendship, teamwork, cooperation, fellowship,
collaboration and mutual sharing of a man and a woman for a life time (Matthew
19:4-6).
·
A
Christian marriage is a one-way walk where Jesus, man and woman hold hands
together and go on a pilgrimage (1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Ephesians 5:21-6:4).
·
All
marriages start in happiness, thrill, and excitement and with great
expectations; but all marriages before the rapture end in tears (Genesis
2:22-24; Genesis 23:1-2).
·
Marriage
exhibits the couples’ vulnerabilities, weaknesses, failures and defeats to each
other, thus making them humble. At the same time, marriage exhibits the
couples’ built-up strengths to themselves and others if they take pains to
build it up.
·
Marriage
is neither a battleground to win war between the couple nor a playground to
score goals to each other. It is a two-member team working together to
accomplish divine purposes in this world (1 Corinthians 7:1-7; Ephesians
5:22-32; 1 Peter 3:7).
·
As
the founder of marriage, God intends it for the blessings, comfort, joy,
satisfaction, mutual building up, support and encouragement of the couple. Both
the partners must work hard for these goals to be accomplished with the help of
the Holy Spirit through the exercise of faith. Together they must guard against
the wiles of the enemy to destroy their family life (John 10:10).
·
Marriage
takes place in heaven, but it is lived in the rough patches of the world here
on earth. The couple should be aware of the fact that the enemy is around to
use his strategy to destroy it (1 Peter 5:8).
·
Marriage
is a place of sacrifice of one's life for the life partner, a place of
surrender of love for each other, opportunity to give oneself to the other
person, a place to build each other up within a life time and a platform to
explore, serve, understand and enjoy each other (1 Corinthians &;3-4;
Psalms 128; Proverbs 18:22).
·
Marriage
is a school of God where the couple learns patience, trust, forgiveness and
faithfulness together.
·
It
is a school of love where the life partners, whom God gave to each other as the
greatest gift in life, to learn to love each other, even if they are found to
be not-so-lovable and not-so-likable.
But this might be an illusion or a reality that is experienced by one or
both the couple sometime after getting married. If it is an illusion, they must
work together in prayer to build it up in such a way that it becomes a reality.
·
It
is a school for a life time for the couple to learn from each other great
lessons in life.
·
It
takes a diamond to cut another diamond and so the enemy of our souls uses us,
the diamonds of Jesus, to cut and inflict pain on each other, if we allow him.
When we cut and bruise each other with unpleasant or unkind words, attitude and
behavior, it will hurt both the spouses.
It will also affect the children when the spouses quarrel in their
presence, leaving them discouraged, and drive them to backsliding and even to
lose their faith.
Getting to know and
mutual building up
·
The
spouses ought to love each other without reservation. If they lack the ability
to do so, they may pray and seek the help of God for mutual love.
·
The
couples ought to understand each other through free flow of communication: verbal, non-verbal – with
eyes/gestures/sound/signs/body movements.
·
They
may build up their understanding of each other as they are engaged in joint
family activities as partners.
·
Their
understanding of each other may grow as they spend time together at home and
outside during household chores, spiritual activities, social interactions and
leisure.
·
The
husband and wife should build each other up as they experience each other in
their attitude, actions and behavior and exhibit spirituality towards each
other. They may facilitate mutual spiritual build-up through regular times of
prayer together and the study of the Word which will help them to understand
the various areas of spiritual needs of each other.
·
The
couple may get to know each other better as they are involved in spiritual
ministries together.
·
They
may find out more about each other as they share their interests and desires
individually and for each other.
·
When
the couple engages in handling of problems, burdens, desires, likes, dislikes
and priorities of each other, their insights about each other will
enhance.
·
When
they converse together, the couple will be able to give up selfish interests
and give in for the other person's priorities, likes and dislikes and thus
understand and accept each other without prejudice.
·
The
couple will get a better picture of the true nature and character of each other
as they bear each other's concerns, pains, failures, losses and defeats over a
period of time.
·
The
couple’s understanding of each other will enhance as they receives suggestions,
advises, counsels, clarifications, corrections and insights about issues and
matters of concerns from each other and for mutual interest.
·
The
couple will gain mutual exposure as they plan and execute activities and
projects of common interests and concerns and slowly develop team spirit.
·
The
husband and wife will better understand each other as they help and support
each other in times of personal challenges, testing, sicknesses and weaknesses
on the one side and success and victory on the other.
The natural, unregenerate man
Generally speaking, the unregenerate
man is likely to have some of the following general characteristics in
different degrees and intensity, with ups and downs at different times and
places:
·
Man
is habitually rough in voice, body, hands and dealings
·
He
generally desires to control, rule and show his strength, especially over his
spouse (Genesis 3:16)
·
He
invariably deals with his spouse through his innate nature and tries to makes
his spouse submit to him through demands, oppression, suppression, force,
threat, challenge, shouts, intimidation, terrorism, deprivation, denial,
challenge, and even verbal and physical abuse and other persuasive tactics
The regenerate man in
backsliding may still exhibit the inclinations of the natural man which are
indicated above. The regenerate man who lives a repentant life may not exhibit
such inclinations, but if he unfortunately falls into it, will repent of his
failures in these and will reconcile with his spouse in all his failures.
The natural, unregenerate woman
The unregenerate woman
generally exhibits some of the following characteristics and traits in
behavior, attitude and thinking:
·
The
woman wants equality and consideration at par with man in all matters
·
In
the pursuit of the above goal, she is supported by worldly education – the
enquiring mind, which has the tendency to question everything, everywhere and
every time.
·
The
woman who has the capacity or opportunity to have independent income gives her
independent thinking, planning and acting demands that her independence be
recognized and accepted by her spouse. She usually fights to achieve this goal.
·
In
the modern times, the woman is increasingly engaged in professional or other
work life. She is often a working wife and sometimes earning more money than
her husband which makes her feel proud and superior in many respects in the
family and outside. This may impact her attitude and behavior towards her
spouse and make her more assertive.
·
The
media has given her newer ideas of equality in the society and the family and
motivates her to gain upper hand in her relation with her husband.
·
She
has more practical wisdom when he is more a theoretician. So when he is
conceptually right, she is practically right. These make them wonder as to who
the winner is and who the looser.
·
She
desires to control him which is part of the curse she received from God after
the fall of man (Genesis 3:16/4:17).
The secret of a happy and satisfying
family life is when these natural and unregenerate nature and traits of us is
allowed to be transformed into supernatural qualities, behavior and attitudes.
It’s possible only when we submit ourselves and our priorities to the Holy
Spirit and allow Him full control of us all.
Let it be our motto in family life to
please and glorify the Founder and Builder of our families and to please our
spouses.
