Question 2: Marriage and Family Life
There is a brother who 17 years ago
promised to marry a woman and even made it a promise to the parent of the woman
and then traveled abroad. Along the line communication between the two broke. In the meanwhile, the brother became a Christian and eventually got married to a Christian woman. But in
his greatest surprise, he went home after 17 years and found out that the woman
he promised to marry is still waiting for him. Tell me whether this brother
should marry this woman as a second wife or neglect her plea? What does the Bible say and what can I advise this brother who is seeking my help?
Thanks for your question and concern
for the brother and the woman whom he promised to marry 17 years back. This is
an unfortunate situation. It is also unfortunate that this brother had not
communicated his new found faith to the woman he promised to marry. If she is
not a believer, he should have told her that unless she accepts Jesus as her
personal Savior and Lord, the Bible would not let him marry her (2 Corinthians
6:14-16). But if she also became a born again believer, he ought to have kept
his promise. This is a breach of verbal agreement between them which he may
confess to her. But it seems 17 years have elapsed since the promise was given
and it is unfortunate that there was no communication between them during this
period. It seems that he found a new
love in the new land where he was living and willfully or conveniently
forgotten the person to whom he gave a promise. But the woman seems to be intensely
loyal and committed to him and waited for him for all these years and it must have
been a great shock to her to find out that he is already married to another
person. But it seems strange that she
kept waiting for him even in the wake of his silence for the long 17 years. But
now that he is married, God’s Word would not permit his marriage to be
separated (Malachi 2:16 & Matthew 19:6). So on the basis of the Bible, there is
absolutely no room for him to divorce his wife to marry the person to whom he
gave a promise 17 years back. Secondly there is no biblical basis for a second
wife for a believer which is expressly forbidden by God (Genesis 2:24; Romans 7:2).
So how can we resolve this crisis on the basis of the Bible?
It seems to me that this bother
has to meet the first woman and her family and ask for forgiveness for not
keeping his vow to marry her. If she has not become a Christian believer, then
that should be given as a genuine Biblical reason why he would not have married
her because of his newly found faith. But it was his responsibility to
communicate this to that woman and her family which was not done. This was a great
mistake and a matter of great negligence. So it should be confessed in no
unequivocal manner and with true humility and patience. In the event that they
do not accept his confession, he may approach a pastor or elder of his church or
a Christian counselor to counsel that woman’s family to accept this confession
and the reality that he is already married which cannot be changed nor should
he take a second wife which breaks Biblical teaching. He should fervently pray
that God would speak to the family of this woman and help them to accept his
confession. He should also sincerely pray that God would open the door for her
to be married appropriately in the nearest future.
Hope you will be able to
communicate this to your friend. It would be good if you would play the role of
a Christian counselor to help this family to understand the unchangeable
scenario because you know the scenario best. May God help you and your friend
to thus put an end to this unfortunate situation for the glory of God!
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