BIBLICAL TENETS IN FAMILY LIFE - IV

 

IV

Biblical Tenets in Family Life 

 

There are a lot of areas in day to day life where conflicts might emerge in family life. These may cause disagreements, arguments and fights between husbands and wives, and among parents and children especially when children grow older. When these conflicts increase in intensity, it takes away the unity and happiness in family life. Believers’ families also experience such conflicts at times. Often it affects mutual love and develops mutual hurts and hatred. In many families, family prayer and unity get ruptured. In some families, quarrels occur in the presence of the children and sometimes in the presence of grandchildren also. These realities need to be examined and handled in a spiritual manner.

 

If only the couple and children handle these differences of opinion with much prayer and waiting on the Lord will they be able to maintain family unity, mutual love and mutual understanding. In other words, spiritual solutions to the emerging issues will only help the families to maintain unity and happiness and for sustaining Christian witness. There’s need for mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21) and humility on the part of the spouses in all families to avert conflicts and for resolving fleshly issues. They should take efforts to find out the inner needs of each other and exercise patience and mutual forgiveness. The members of families need to build each other up through intensive prayer for each other. The same is the solution when parents and grown-up children experience conflicts. Wherever there are difference of opinion, waiting upon the Lord in prayer and frank and open discussion will only help the couple and children to reach a mutually satisfying solution.

 

Let’s examine some of these issues and how these may be handled. 

 

Family Relationships:

·         Parents’ Relationship with children

-          United Parents to deal with children (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20; Exodus 20:12; Proverbs 1:8, 6:20, 30:11, 17)

-          Children’s caring for parents in their old age (1 Timothy 5:4; Leviticus 19:3; Proverbs 23:22) is a need-based responsibility of grown-up children.

-          Parents ought to help the children to grow in godly fear and admonition so that it would cause the parents to rejoice (Proverbs 23:24-25; 2 Timothy 1:5) in them.

-          Parents and children ought to grow in holy worship together (Job 1:5)

-          Parents and children ought to make united commitment to the Lord as did Joshua and Isaiah (Joshua 24:15; Isaiah 8:18).

Family Goals

A Christian family ought to have spiritually oriented and biblically sound goals so as to lead a united spiritual life together.

Important Spiritual goals for the Family

-          Daily Family Worship Time

-          Keeping a Family Prayer Journal and pray together

-          Memorizing Scripture together

-          Trying to share the Gospel as a Family

-          Using our words to encourage the community with appropriate  communication 

-          Practicing Biblical hospitality wherever possible

-          Being generous with others

-          Get spiritually healthy and focus on united spiritual growth for all family members.

(Joshua 24:15; Job 1:5; Exodus 12:22; Deuteronomy 22:8; Psalms 78:5-8; Proverbs 22:6)

Evangelistic goals

§  Praying for the unsaved around the family and around the world

§  Developing a missionary-minded family (Acts 21:8-9; Isaiah 8:18)

Social goals 

Showing Christian love to neighbors, colleagues and friends (Mark 12:30-31)

 

Church goals (Psalms 128:3; Ephesians 5:21; Acts 2:42)

-          Attending church gatherings without fail

-          Getting involved with church fellowship and building up relationships

-          Showing spiritual loyalty to church doctrines and practices

-          Sharing from material blessings for the church’s ministries

 

Family Timeframe 

-          Setting apart priority and quality time of family members for God and spiritual matters (Ephesians 5:16; Colossians 4:5)

-         Developing family time for the common interests and goals of the members with primary focus on spiritual matters (Psalms 128:3; Isaiah 8:18)

Family Income

Financial matters often cause difficulties in family life. Sufficient, surplus or insufficient income may cause different types of conflicts in families. The following may be kept in mind when handling financial matters of the family:

·         Who between the spouses makes how much is often a matter of sad comparisons and related superiority or inferiority in attitude. This may be carefully guarded against.

·         True spousal partnership may be understood in such a way that all income is pooled together and considered as “our income” given to us by the Lord rather than “my income” and “your income”.  

·         There may be clear, prayerful and united understanding about spending responsibilities for basic necessities and needs of the family. As disciples of Christ, all possible luxuries and extravagance may be brought to the minimum so that it can be set apart for the Lord’s work.

·         It is good to prepare a family budget so that the family may live within the means, without creating debt. This may be done with united and individual prayer and in mutual consultation, agreement and consent with responsibility and accountability.

·         All secret or hidden use of money may be avoided and any payment in emergencies may be communicated to the spouse at the earliest opportunity.

·         There may be a systematic way to give to Gospel work, missions, Christian workers, the church, family members in need and the poor. It may be done with much prayer and waiting on the Lord.

·         All decisions to support elderly parents and other relatives on the basis of need may be done with mutual consultation and united prayer by the spouses.

·         The family has the biblical responsibility to follow the principles of Christian Discipleship about earning, spending, saving, debt and investment.

 

Addictions of Family Members:

 

-          Overindulgence in sports/work/business will reduce quality family time and will take its toll on the spirituality of the Christian family. It will also affect the opportunity of the family to attend to gatherings in the church (Acts 2:42). 

-          Possible addiction to Television viewing, watching secular movies, spending time for entertainment, use of the Internet, indulgence in non-prescription drugs, consumption of intoxicants and anonymous alcoholism are all the work of the flesh. A Christian family may teach biblical truths about these to the children. If there is a failure on the part of any member of the family, the matter may be handled with intense prayer to get spiritual victory over these fleshly insurgencies in Christian families (Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:15-20).                          

Divorce

Separation and divorce as two major consequences of un-spirituality and fleshly attitude and subsequent conflicts in Christian families. All Christians and churches must guard against these menaces in Christian families.

 

Marriage is a covenant for a life time together. It centers on the following divine stipulations:

           

·         God hates divorce: (Malachi 2:13-17) A Christian believer ought to have the same attitude to divorce.            

·         Jesus taught against divorce: (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:3-12; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18). We must adhere to what is taught by Jesus if He is the Lord of our lives and our marriages. 

·         Apostolic teaching is against divorce: (Romans 7:2-3: 1 Corinthians 7:39).

·         The marriage oath is for a lifetime and will be terminated at the rapture or at the death of one of the partners. No human authority has any right to sever what God has joined together (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9).

·         A three-fold chord (husband-wife-God) will not be quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). If this truth is adhered to, a Christian couple could weather away any storm that might beat against their family life. 

 

Apostles received these instructions from the risen Lord and passed it on to Christian believers to obey and follow without altering it in any way.

 

When early symptoms of disagreements between husband and wife appear, if they cannot resolve it themselves, they may seek biblical counseling to resolve the issues and problems. If there is any issue related to sickness of any sort (physical or emotional), its best to get medical help or counseling, as appropriately. But one should not be tempted to use it as a reason for separation or divorce. Whatever causes might be seen in a family, it has to be addressed with patience, mutual forgiveness and united prayer.

Remarriage of divorcees

The Bible allows remarriage if only one of the spouses is no more alive. If one of the partners leaves (earns a divorce through a court for reasons of faith or any other), the believing partner has to remain unmarried as long as the first party is alive (Romans 7:2-3). As long as both parties are alive, (even if they are divorced through a court of law or separated involuntarily), they are still married in the sight of God. (“For what God has joined together let man not separate” Matthew 19:6). A believer cannot break this principle because any remarriage when the original partner is alive will make the remarried person and the new spouse adulterers. For it is a grave sin when a person becomes one flesh with more than one person as long as the original spouse is alive.

 

Biblical Solution for marital discord

No matter what the issues in family life are, God’s children are to forgive and accept each other through reconciliation and leave the consequence for God to handle. All issues which have caused emotional hurt to the life partner ought to be confessed and repented of. Subsequently the partner who caused hurt to the other partner ought to ask for forgiveness from the hurting partner. Sufficient caution may be exercised to guard against repeating such atrocities against each other in the future. The partner who felt hurt ought to forgive the offence and pray for the spiritual strengthening of the offending partner. Mature believers and the church ought to help the couple get reconciled to each other when early symptoms of discord appear. No one, including parents and in-laws, should enter the scene to take sides and add oil to fire, but only pray and open channels of communication. Believers and friends of the spouses may be asked to desist from spreading assumptions and gossips about the couple who face conflicts which might otherwise increase the intensity of the existing conflicts.

 

Every life partner ought to realize that they are to redeem their spouse and children and live in the fear of the Lord. We must realize that we are all under serious attack of the enemy (John 10:10). We must help our spouses and children to get a release from the attack of the enemy and live a victorious family life for the glory of God through intense and burdensome prayer of importunity.

 

May the Lord Jesus Christ strengthen the Christian families to adhere to the biblical principles of family living and live with mutual love and forgiveness so that our families may be strengthened spiritually and emotionally! May it all be for the glory of the Lord Jesus who is our Heavenly Bridegroom!

 

Remember:

Jesus Christ is the answer to all our problems in this world;

He can give us solutions if we pray and commit ourselves to obedience.

Jeremiah 8:22